Spontaneity
It's true. One needs to be certain of his future. Things like these (future etc.) need at least thorough thinking and analysis. I don't know if I am speaking a little bit bitter over waiting for job applications that God knows when will I finally start, but I think, over the days of this holy week celebration, I begin to understand more about life's active spontaneity. I know it sounds irritatingly and redundantly religious(I couldn't think of anymore terms other than this), but I believe there is always a plan for all of us other than what we plan. We always hear this rather usual statement when we brush over the topic of Divine intervention. But believe me, these past few days or months gave me something to ponder on about that statement.
For years, I always studied as a normal student should, and when I started doing work, I never stopped. Something in it gave me satisfaction that I am actually a part of the society, metaphorically, the world. I sometimes considered myself workaholic when I realize I am enjoying what I do and it's already 7 in the morning, other than that, I am just normal. But I said, I never stopped working, if not literally, symbolically and figuatively. It's hard for me not to do anything because of certain reasons. Sometimes, when i relax, I feel that I am not contributing to the welfare of my well being and my family's (no, really.). And when I have nothing to do, I always find something, or I would engross myself to t.v. or watch a movie where I can find another world to spend my time and energy, or at least my thoughts are in motion. What do I do? When there's no office work to be done, or plates, or assignments, or errands, I sketch ideas, concepts, I write, I draw presentations, I search the net and design. Always something to do with work. Pleasure and social life alone would be friendster or the blog. No relaxation. Even on things I spend in the internet or sleeping, I find guilt. I always move. I always work.
But for some Divine Intervention, as I would respectfully state it, after graduation, I have nothing to do.
Not my intention to boast or anything, two companies that I worked for practicum asked me for employment.
The first one got me interviewed, I even took tests already and was on the point of formalities, when, for some Godforsaken reason, they did not call.
The other, got me signed already for a contract, and again, for some reason, they could not get me started because of company technicalities, as I'd like to put it. So here I am, waiting for the confirmation.
Now, I don't know if there's really something awfully wrong with me, or it is just fate that goes on playing with me. And now, I come to believe that there is a reason(or reasons) for all of these. I don't know what and I don't know why, but this holy week season gave me the thought of being on the verge of something our Father had planned. I don't know anything, but I surely, for years with this kind of faith, trust Him.
It is awefully hard for me to relax, but I think He have His reasons for this. Maybe to teach me to relax. Maybe to show me that not everything in this world is work or job powered. Maybe I just need to stop moving, and smell the flowers.
It's awefully hard. But I accept.
So far, it's all good. After graduation, I again started going out with my friends to spend quality time. Yeah gimmicks and the like. I get myself busy with our gallery on December. I pre-occupy myself with the therapeutic powers of cleaning. Our living room, the storage, and tomorrow, my study. Cleaning the house, somehow, gives me a feel of also cleaning a part of me. I love the feeling of having something to do, plus, my lolay enjoys that kind of industriousness. In between cleaning time, I find time to reflect, relax and listen to music. I can't believe I am actually doing this. I am happy that things took a turn for the better, what i thought was for the worst.
Now, I just enjoy spontaneity.
Slowly, I am feeling myself going back to the old me. The me that loves sunset and slow music. The me that goes out 1 in the morning just to have a glimpse of the moon. The me that cooks and bakes for someone. The me that knocks on your door and simply checks if you're ok. The me that will travel a long way just to let you feel I am actually there. The me that believes in true love.




The me that is a chocoholic. =)