Mr. Clean

Today, all I did was clean. Actually, I woke up late, around 12. But that didn't stop me from doing my assigned task for this day. Yes, it was already assigned, written black and white in my organizer. Honestly, it is 5 days late. But you know what they say, better late than never (read: A TOTAL LOSER). Well, this' what happens to people who refused to go out on an outing this Holy week weekend. I don't know what's with me, i turned down a getaway, in Pampanga, and to think their would be a celebration, yes with all the food Pampanguenyos are known for, and to top it all off, the whole idea is for me, a graduation gift. Yeah i know, i suck. Another, is Charm's invitation to Pangasinan, yes, Hundred Islands, but again, i chose to be here. Actually, it's not so boring at all (whatever you say), but really, i'm not.
For certain reasons, i think my weekend would turn out to be, just what i wanted. One of the reasons why i turned down those sumptious getaways is because I really do want to be alone. Well, of course, not really alone because lolay's here. But you get the picture right? I just want to ponder on some thoughts alone, here in our house. Maybe, i would like to go there (Pampanga) next week, but if not alone, at least with my close friends. But for this holy week weekend, i just want to be here in our home, weird right? Coz I am always here. But what can i say, there're just things i can't explain. Another reason is, lolay would be all by herself if i would go. It's not that she's not used to being alone in the house, it's just that i don't want to leave her, at least this weekend, i don't know.

Another Lapse
A friend(Cecilia) just texted me, a quote I frequently receive, but for some reason, it struck me again(again because it only struck me the first time i read it), and i felt sad, again. I know this one. It's the kind when I turn into a melodramatic softy kinda person, or at least what my ex says so. It's not drama at all. It is what I really feel. A real true to the bone emotion. (But what do the person know? All the person knows is to hide.) Anyway, this is what i turn to when i get into this mode. I hate it, but i can't do anything. Well at least i know i still hurt. I'm still human.
A scene just crossed my mind, from Che's journal, a charicature of the tin man with a caption "I hurt myself today, to see if i can feel."
The hurt i feel is not the kind when you're in a relationship and you're suddenly left alone. The kind of hurt i feel is the kind that reminds you of how alone you are. How the world keeps on spinning, so fast, but you are left static. How you can't simply run into someone else's world and be a part of it, no matter how much you want to, the person won't just let you. This kind of thought tortures me on thinking how wrong am i. How bad am i. How not am i. I think these what makes me a little bit over the edge on my consciousness. Just a little bit anyway. I sound pathetic, don't i? Well, sympathy's not in my check list...
I still do have this loving feeling for myself that still glows from within, and i believe this thing is visible enough to appear in my everyday activities. And I believe what they say is true, If you love yourself, everybody else will see, and as soon as you do, people will too.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the person who wasn't supposed to ever let you down would probably will...
You will have your heart broken probably more than once,
and it's harder everytime...
You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken...
You'll fight with your loved one
You'll blame a new love for things the old one did...
You'll cry because time is passing too fast and you'll eventually love someone you love..
So take many pics, laugh too much, love like you've never been hurt, because every 60 seconds you spend is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

RENT
I love the musical, everybody knows that in my hi school days, I watched the movie and i fell in love with rent all over again. They trimmed down a song or two, but it wraps. And for me, it is really a treat for rent fanatics. It's nice to see a theatrical play being played in the big screen. Love to elaborate on it more but i need to go, my bed's calling me. I'll leave you with a song from my love of the moment, and let you have a feel of the lyrics, just so you can share my emotional roller coaster right now.

SEASONS OF LOVE

ALL

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes,

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure,

measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights

In cups of coffee

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure

A year in the life?

How about love?

How about love?

How about love?

Measure in love

Seasons of love.

Seasons of love

JOANNE

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes!

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure the life

Of a woman or a man?

COLLINS

In truths that she learned,

Or in times that he cried.

In bridges he burned,

Or the way that she died.

ALL

It's time now to sing out,

Tho' the story never ends

Let's celebrate

Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love!

Remember the love!

Seasons of love!

JOANNE

Oh you got to got to Remember the love! remember the love,

You

Measure in love know that love is a gift from up above

Seasons of love.

Share love, give love spread love

Measure measure you life in love.