Not How to Become a Tin Man

According to a book I read a long time ago, even before it was egged on becoming a movie, Memoirs of a Geisha: No one can really talk about pain, unless you are out of it. Well I guess it figures, since you'll be too busy crying your heart out or cursing yourself of stupidity and the lack of neurons if only enough to push your brain to function well, instead of actually talking about pain. Not to mention the endless blog writing and gruesome poetic type scripts you can produce out of your self induced misery. But, according to the latest book I just read, The Zahir, the repetition of telling your uber-boring, selfish, overrated miserable story of getting your poor puppy heart broken can actually get you to move on. Seriously. Well, just know when to start to stop, right? I mean, I guess what's he trying to say is cut yourself some slack and just let yourself feel the hurt and the pain, for sometime. Besides, everything has it's end right? And pain, usually, what keeps us human, in many many ways. Let us support friends who are in fact on square one of moving on and be glad that love really is real in forms we may not even fathom at the very least. Ouch.

Don't worry. It ends here. I'm not in the mood to feed you depression. The intro's dull enough to last a lifetime.

I ought to go to China.
Surprise surprise.
Amidst the fact that I'm born with the flag of our country as a birthmark (in my heart), I was indeed opting for China. It's for work. And my wanting to go away as well. But it ended as fast as it arrived, the hope that I might be able to press the "skip this" button of this part of my life. China is my escape route to being left behind. I thought it would be the answer to my desperation in prayer of my nearing self-proclaimed aloneness. But God is teaching me something greater than what I thought I can handle. China is out of the question now since the unveiling of the fact that we will have this slightly demented Korean-American boss, well hey, lucrativeness doesn't come for free. Well, phock lucrativeness. And so, I'm stuck here with my lovely, well-paid, comfy position of a designer. The lovely part I don't know.

I have to face this. I am indeed facing this.

We just know it's time.
The signs are just about everywhere;
the momentary checking of reality that he doesn't care about you as much as you do;
the realization that he won't go out of his way just for you;
the feeling of hoplessness everytime you see yourself missing that one person you choose to miss;
the alternatives you inevitably conjure everytime memories of him bob up the surface;
the moments you choose to walk alone, if not with him, then again, feeling bitter, and angry at yourself for being bitter;
the dizzy spells brought about by slightly starving yourself because of bodily dismorfic syndrome born out of heart break.
the sugar rush you abruptly experience after eating a significant amount of chocolate mint ice cream and chocolate truffles after slightly starving yourself;
the hurtful bite of reality that he is not yours and might never be;
the fact that you just had your birthday and must force or convince yourself (for the lack of a more hurt-friendly term) to move on and be okay.

We just know it's time.

Because if it won't come to us, sooner or later, we might just end up like the tin man after checking out if he could feel: broken.

Next target: Hong Kong.

But nevertheless, I will go on living this wonderful life of mine, searching (and waiting at the same time) for this epic adventure I'll have the next time I'll fall for someone else, over and over and over again, not realizing that I am already living the adventure.
So for those of you who experience this exact same realization right now, walking alone in the park, eating your lunch by yourself or watching a movie with the companion of no one but yourself, just let it out and give yourself a break, be free. Be on the constant look out for life's puzzles and mysteries. Because you never know when another Sherlock is solving the exact same mystery as you are, and, is about to join you on your quest.