Symbiosis

It’s been weeks since I had a free time. I’ve been so engulfed with work that whenever I try to rest I feel guilty. And for sometime now, I have been feeling back aches and headaches, probably because I slouch in the chair and I still have no glasses for five months now.

Well almost everyone who knows me knew that I’m such a workaholic before. I even go to work on Sundays. There was even a point there that I feel guilty whenever I rest. And oh yeah, I skipped meals too. The problem though is I’ve experienced all that at a point in my life wherein I was missing something and my being workaholic covers up for it. Of course, it was only after I’ve recovered that I saw the whole picture. Now comes the big question. Am I filling for something that I don’t have?

I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem like I would do the same mistake again. Considering that I’m now seeing things in perspective. But then again, there’s always pride that makes me think I’m invincible.

I am undeniably lacking something. I mean, I don’t believe that there is such a person as literally complete. Yes there are persons who are contented with what they have in life.
Contentment is a relative choice. I don’t think there is much difference to me as any average man. I’m just saying that I think it’s totally natural to feel lacking at one point in your life.

As I come to think of it there is really nothing wrong with using things to compensate for a loss. I think it’s perfectly natural. Our anti-bodies when fails to fight off bad bacteria from the food we eat, uses our body to fight it off, thus comes diarrhea. During black outs, the lack of electricity bestows a chance for the generator to fulfill its purpose. When a loved one dies, the griever usually gets comfort and company from his or her friends and family. I come to think of it as a symbiotic relationship between two concerned parties rather than a parasitical action or a desperate move. In my case, an extra time for my career wouldn’t hurt as much as being bankrupt because of over shopping (I don’t do that by the way), but there is this question in my head that is more than willing to be debated whenever I need to kill time in a line for movie tickets: Is it just ok to have someone in order to forget somebody?

And for the longest time I have come to a hypothesis for other people who’s in this kind of situation. I think (and that means it’s an opinion) that there are certain people who needs someone in order to move on from somebody. It is a need that separates the subject between going good or bad. If it is a need for a moving on and not a diversion from that somebody, then I think it’s perfectly fine. When you decide to move on, in the first place, you can never look back. Now this is a statement I can bet my neck to the guillotine. It will become a help if and only if you’re not willing to look back from that somebody, because the moment that you decide to go back will be the moment you start to become the bad guy, hurting people, hurting yourself. So the point is? Take your time to assess what to do. Grieve first for your loss. Decide when to move on. And the moment that you see that someone, it’s your cue to pack your bags and go to a different road.

As for me, I have come to a conclusion for this problem. I say that as long as the relationship’s symbiotic, meaning the two of you benefit from whatever you’re doing, it’s normal. I just don’t know if symbiosis also is described to be non-threatening to other species other than the two subjects, but I strongly suggest that you don’t step on anybody. It’s another branch you don’t want to mess with, it’s called karma. As long as you’re happy and you don’t mean to harm anybody or inflict bad fate on anyone, you’re just doing yourself a favor, and that little favor is called moving on.

Yes, I think I’m running empty in a certain department in my own little world, but I don’t think I’m using my work to cover up for it nor getting in the way of it. I have my priorities and I think I have them lined up pretty good. It’s just a matter of time waiting for my very own fairytale to sedate me from this busy reality.

When the time comes, I will be more than willing to start another kind of relationship more than symbiosis.