Missing The Days
Although it's almost 1am, and i'm nearly falling asleep, I struggle to write something of which i do not intend to publish. why? because it is this time of the night that i am in my most honest manner. This time of the night is when the truth serum of loneliness takes into action. Considering I have work tomorrow and i have to wake up 6 in the morning, still, i write. It's almost a nostalgic feeling of reliving my life a month ago.
Only a month ago, and yet, a lot of things took place. A lot of things that changed my life. And yet some things never change.
Funny how I feel so mesmerized with the things goin here and there when all this time I was the one who pushes things to go fast forward. I hate it when I do that.
Anyway, as one of the truths revealed tonight..
MYSTERIOUSLY, I DISCOVERED, I STILL HATE HIM.
Hatred and/or anger is indeed still in my system. And it eats me. And I can't do anything about it. Help.
I AM CRAZY.
for letting go a remarkable love, twice. or thrice. because of none other than that prick. I don't blame him though. It's just that I can't seem to forgive him.
I don't know. Maybe I am truly a psycho. Or maybe (the one i'd gotten used to believe) how can you forgive a person when he can't be sorry for what had happened. The one he always denies. Oh c'mon. Gimme a break dude.
I CAN'T LOVE AGAIN.
if I don't fix this problem quickly.

I always pray before goin to sleep, that tomorrow when I wake up, I can forgive.
Again, I know, there's no one to blame but myself for not being able to forgive. I know. I just can't.

This last one made me think, and made me stay up late for the past couple of nights... Hate always equals to love, we all know that, but as soon as i start thinkin about all the horrible things I went through, WE went through, I start to shake, angrily. There was this one time, when I was telling someone how mad i am, i started crying...i cried because I can't do anything about it. When I was a child, I used to watch people. One day after school, I saw a kindergarten playing with his action figure(a toy or something, I can't remember), when a boy,about ten, grabbed his toy and just walked out. The child can't do anything. and he started to cry. That was the feeling I felt that one night. Or is it..
MAYBE I STILL LOVE HIM. Shit.