Unpublished Accounts

I have this thing of writing in rAndOm times. Many times I would just write, save it and forget about it. These are few of those unpublished accounts (because most of them i lost). It's quite interesting actually, how each builds up a feeling and abruptly ends.

6/28/2006

I woke up today with fire in my throat. My body can’t seem to move in accordance with my brain. How I wish I’m in some beach waking up with margarita slush and chocolate truffles in my bedside. But nooooo.... I’m in my handover bed, with nothing but wrinkled sheets and floppy pillows. I love my bed this way though; it makes me feel all comfy and homey. Anyway, I was forced to get up because my pseudo-amnesia attacks won’t work. I am reminded that I have work to go to. So, feeling all dragged and groggy, I got out from bed and proceeded with my daily frustrating routine of preparing for work. Double time.

7/11/2006

Tuesday, The Truth About Being Daily

I woke up today, with only four hours of sleep, feeling something unusual. First, I don't feel quite as sleepy as I expected. Secondly, it's too early for everything, though I already planned on getting up early for work. It's not because I'm feeling kinda worky-jolly-oh; it's because i need to. With no more cash to splurge on getting a cab (because of my laptop), and mrt's going to be torture with such a fragile gadget, I planned on riding a bus until Shaw. But, as things went by, as usual, my plan didn't turned out to be what I'd expected. Because the buses were already jampacked, I decided to go for the half filled fx going to mrt north ave. And as things turned out, I found myself going through the sea of people, fighting for my spot in the train. And as excruciating as it can be, I claimed victorious. I never wrote it down before. Because, of course, of my time consuming day job. I don't know if it's just my day job, or it's the same with all the other day jobs, that it's basically time consuming, that it's already given that a day job would one way or the other eat up your personal time. That I had to give up many things. All my other jobs. Even a lovelife. And for what? I'm even paid twice as low as my expected salary. If not for the friends I've gained and the benefits I get because of a regular job, I would definitely, definitely quit. Wait, what benefits? Migraine alert. Stop thinking.

Anyways, I never wrote how painful it is to ride a train. When you accidentally wake up five minutes late, you're dead. You'll find yourself in a herd of wild boars, of different fashion. Sometimes, they even smell like one too. And with sweat slowly sliding down your spine, you can't help but wait.

11/05/2006
Chapter NEW

I’m back to life, and as Oprah would bring it, a new me, a new life, a new leaf. I’ve been dying to get back into writing, this used to be my life, my outlet.

A little flashback.

May.

I was burning my ass for a job. Finding it hard to sleep, because of frustration. I can’t find myself because I found out that I still love the person I was fated to forget. I found a job. Got busy and never returned to my old me.

June.

Work ‘til I don’t know anything else to do. I totally forgot who I really am because I was badly in need of a fast forward. Or so I thought.

July.

Peterpan Syndrome.

I was so determined to leave Neverland that I succeeded. I never again heard of anything from the past. During these times, I was so engrossed with work that I even work on Sundays. This time, no one ever heard from me again. I totally disappeared from the face of the Earth. I found a new world. A world of blacks and whites and grays. No one dared to enter. Because I made it so unwelcoming.

August.

Slowly, I begin to think again. A habit of my old self that f l o a t e d on the surface. I remembered how I was back then. I started feeling my toes again, and so I got back on my feet. I planned. As my old self would do.

September.

I finally decided to get out of my box, and find myself. A thing I lost a long time ago. I quit my day job and lived my life as I want it. A free spirit. With no one to hold me down. I accepted a project for Bicol and so I left.

miQo.

The birth of a new life. During my stay in Bicol, epiphanies keeps coming one after the other. Normally, I would freak out and call friends, blah blah. But I just watched in awe how things flow differently. Different from the ones I had months ago. When I don’t know what I want. What I really want.

I want something more than this world has to offer.

Greatest Love Affair.

I finally accepted how I still love the person I am destined to forget. I took the courage of informing the person and got what I can say a predictable reply. I can’t help but s m i l e when I think of our times together, both good and bad.I was thinking of sharing a piece of my journal relating with the person I was destined to forget but decided not to because of some reasons I cannot publish for public reading.

I was reminiscing. Our times together, and all that crap. I was in love all over again. FUNNY how our science teacher turns out to be so useful in times like these. I claim that feelings are MATTER. One characteristic of MATTER is that it can’t be created nor destroyed. I loved. I hated. I don’t know why on Earth it won’t get lost. I don’t know where to put it… And so, I loved, again.

But there was this incident that changed all that.

September 27th. Morning. I was BUSY with work. I got up and went outside, saw the sun and admired it. “I again thought of you. The sun reminded me of your name. I remembered that your Chinese name, a part of it, meant sun. I sent a message through the phone. I know there would be no reply.”

Noon. Clouds covered the sky and soon rain started pouring. I finished my sketches. Had lunch.

Afternoon. The rain continued on pouring and electricity went off. My usual dose of news never came and I’m a bit panicked by the continuous pouring of rain.

Night. In a two story house of at least 500 sqm built with concrete and modern equipment, I consider myself alone because I was partnered with a non-existent designer that I often feel the presence, only when we were to eat dinner or discuss something about the news. It was around 6 when we decided to turn on our one and only emergency light in the house. We decided to play cards, pusoy dos, just to l u r e our thoughts away from scary premonitions of what could happen to us in the middle of a storm hungry and cold. Just as we are about to enjoy the game, an hour after, our light went off. We are in total darkness. And with that, I stretched my legs to the floor, for I was sitting in a crossed legged position both feet in the chair, my feet sank ankle deep. The whole dining area where we are staying was submerged ankle deep with water, tracing to the waterfalls in the staircase. That was the time when we realized how bad the weather is. We begin to feel the fear as we hear sucking sounds coming from the windows. We lifted the curtain and saw right through the windows. The glass panels were being sucked away from the window panes. The front door opened and we both jumped to our feet, as the owner of the house came in, they live across the lot where they have their own house. He told us that it was an emergency situation and that they assumed there was a storm. Duh. Well anyway, my boy scout skills paid off (although I never went to boy scouting) when we are asked to evacuate and move to the next house because I already packed an emergency bag.

Here the real horror began.

As I stepped out of the house, into the rampaging storm, I felt the real meaning of fear. It was total darkness. Pitch black. I was literally screaming, but I can’t hear my own voice through the howls of the wind. I decided to march across, with nothing to hear but the angry cries of the wind, the shattering pieces of glass of the windows and the flying sheets of metal roof, with seeing nothing in front of you, not to mention your sinking feet through the mud, and your rhythmic breathing through the wind, because the wind is against your breathing, you have to tilt your head to the side just to breathe and avoid suffocation. To top it all off, you have to walk tilting your body forward to a couple of degrees to avoid being carried away by the strong winds. I was thinking of many things at that time. But my body continued with the choreographed moves of my system. We arrived at the other house safely, ate an emergency dinner (not bad). And tucked in.

Morning came and the storm was off.

Sunny day. And as I started for the window, I began seeing the devastation. Directly across my window was where we are supposed to have spent the night, and as my thoughts get to hold on to each other, I saw the roof of the other house stripped halfway(that’s what caused the waterfalls staircase).

Cutting the long story short, as soon as the electricity stabilized in town, and cell networks began working, which took about 4-6 days, I started receiving calls.

Now came the biggest epiphany.

The person never called or even asked if I was safe.

I mean for a friend, as he claims to be, you would at least text or something.

But that’s just it.

I have to end it.

And so it did.

The end of my greatest love affair.