On Loving

I am bothered by the thought of me hating cats.

My first pet was a hamster, Logan and Rogue, actually it was for me and my sister, I can't remember which one is mine. We had dogs and bunnies and mice. I never had a cat. I can even remember one scratching me on the hand. But when I turned to my teen years I started taking care of a number of them here in our house.

I remember Ming Ming (a very common name), I considered her as the head of the cat family we had here. She was the first one to live with us and I can't even remember how she got here (too lazy to ask Lolay). I can recall Lolo V reviving her from sickness, feeding her medicine and cat food recipes that we believe to heal sick cats. Ming Ming gave birth to a number of cats, but sadly no one made it through this day. She died in my arms. And of course, I cried like hell.

That's the time I started to like cats, love them even. I care for them like I do with people. I don't know but there's this certain feeling I feel for them, exclusively for them. I do love dogs, I have Crush and Yuri, but the feelin's different with cats. It's like liking coffee, but loving chocolate. I even brought one from UST. Pepay. It was a tale that never fails to aww people. We, Che and I, were in one of the pavs of CFAD talking, when I heard this kitten meowing under the concrete benches. When I saw her, instinctivly I called for her, and she jumped on my lap. We were so awed. We started looking for her mother but no one's around (yeah like as if there would be someone searching). So, gladly, I put her in my bag and prayed she would make the one hour journey home. And gladly she did. I was planning of naming her Amber (after the Survivor winner) but Lolay was very much certain of naming her Pepay. So we did.

When we, Tal, Joy and me, were in baywalk chillin' out, having a drink, this certain kitten walked and purred on my foot. Picking him up, we asked the waiter who's is it, and told us that the kitten was staying in there place a couple of days from that day. I asked if I could keep it and he gladly said yes. I brought the kitten home. This time I never thought of a name, knowing Lolay would have one for the kitty. And of course, she has and named her Popoy.

Catman, Lolay named him too, came to us very mysteriously. He appeared on our window ledge one day and started meowing like there's no tomorrow, so Lolay opened the window and he went in. Without hesitation, he walked into the living room, like he'd been there before, and lied on the couch. We were surprised like our jaws could've dropped any moment. He became my favorite. I would even sleep with him beside me. He drooled in sleep, something we had in common, haha. Sadly, he passed away last February. The day I arrived from a business trip in Bikol, they found him dead, poisoned (I would like to think it was unintentional). So there, I made another river by crying. I cried so hard that it took me hours just to bury him. Right up to this very moment, I'm being saddened just by looking at his photos.

I am bothered by the thought of me hating cats.

Cats have their own way. Unlike dogs that are always loyal to their masters, can be subjected to liking their masters, cats are very self driven and listen only to their instincts. They won't respond to you calling them by their names, they come to you instinctively and if they want to. They stay at their own will. They respond in very honest ways, if they're hurt they meow, if you hurt them they hurt you back, if they're hungry they come to you and point you to their bowls. They have these very mysterious ways of letting you feel you are somehow important to them. They choose when to come to you and they decide for themselves. They say it to you, in their actions that you don't own them, but they deliberately entrust you with their lives, they let you feel they're yours without you owning them. They have their own ways, much like ours.

I don't love them because they're cute, cuddly and furry, but I do love them because of what they are, because they are true to what they feel. But as instinctively as cats are, they leave you without second thoughts if they will to. Popoy hasn't been comin' home for about a month now. We are in so much worry what happened to him. We even devised a search plan for him. It's how they leave you after you've taken care of them that really bothers me.

It's a risk loving cats, but still you take it because that's how it is. No matter how mysterious they get, how purry and cuddly they are, how scratchy they can be, how unpredictable it will be, I still find myself loving them, loving my cats, because you know at the end of the day, the journey with them, finding that you love some cat, that someone comes to you and cuddly purrs beside you, is really worth it.